but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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