Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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