I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
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Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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