the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize