dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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