just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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