fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize