I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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