His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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