I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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