Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's shark week go big or go home
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize