I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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