I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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