i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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