I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She said her name was "party"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
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hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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