yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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