I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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