I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize