i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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