ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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