yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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