So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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