ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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