the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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