All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize