This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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