No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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