We won't sleep together?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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