I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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