Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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