My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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