Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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