The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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