I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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