Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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