Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize