Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize