Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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