I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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