In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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