I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize