I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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