i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize