So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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