Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize