my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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