i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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