everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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