I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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