Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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